The Turn around

This this is really hard to keep up with, but i think i will get better at it. I'm def having a hard time figuring out wthell road my life has taken. I'm trying to figure out my whole ... ok I'm tired of being so blah! Fuck blah. I'm happy, and content and Things are going to turn around. For the better of course =)

@!$#%&!

The day the world stopped for about 3 good minutes...

You haven't even called.

... And I heard em say...

The word friendship or best friend doesn't mean shit. Having a strong friendship and being some ones best friend is an action. Good night =)

Home Game

It's a new day and I'm def feeling good! Today is my brother's first home game and second high school game. He's number 21 in that picture --->. He's very talented and I am proud of him. I had an audition today with and acting agency but I'm not going. Sometimes things just need more time I guess. My boyfriend think I'm settling, and that might be the problem, but I just find myself trying to take things one day at a time for now. My birthday is in 13 days and I'm excited. I get to spend it with someone I love dearly and that's all that really matters! Last year he made my birthday special but coming all the way home from school to see me, getting my boss to give me the whole weekend off, surprising me at my school with a puppy, throwing me a surprise birthday party and treating me like a princess the whole weekend. It was a very special birthday and one i will never forget. Back to whats important, FOOTBALL! What you will learn about me in these next couple months is that I love football. I may not live football but i do eat and breathe it during the season. I enjoy college football more then anything, because its so passionate and they are playing with their heart and determination to get to the next level. They have so much that they are playing for when men are playing in college. Their futures. Then they get to the NFL start making that money and can get lost in all their fame and fortune. Until they start getting closer to superbowl time! But Brady says he's ready to put the Patriots back on top and I'm ready to be there for them. I def just jumped subjects right now. The main point about today is that its a day dedicated to my brother's first home game. Goodluck #21.

The start

The beginning is always a great place to start, right? You know when you're telling a story to someone or confessing to someone you always say, "let me start from the beginning." So this could sort of be my new beginning. My way of starting over. My way of expressing everything without exactly exposing my identity! Wonderful. A way of saying, "dear diary," without all the messy pen marks and tearing of pages. A way of knowing someone out there is reading this and they give a damn! Since things are not exactly falling into my hands like they used to I find myself at a crossroad. I'm at a place where 6 months ago I would have never imagined I would be. What makes it worse is time. I have time and time and more time. Time to think about all the things I'm not doing. No one gets it though. Well at least the people who need to get it (parents) don't get it. I need some sort of inspiration. This first blog entry is all over the place. I guess I just have to get used to it. To writing again, because even though it was an important part of my life at one point, all it does now is frustrate me. I have no reason to write and when I start thinking about it my mind goes on this rollercoaster of emotions and everything starts to build up. Then I get this feeling in my hands like this, "what the hell are you doing, why are you even wasting your time," feeling. I don't feel like I can do anything here. I just wish they understood.